the lessons we learn

Or, chaotic words and the epilogue to our current era

This is the end

Hold your breath and count to ten

Feel the Earth move and then

Hear my heart burst again

- Adele, “Skyfall”

Photo by David Moum on Unsplash

“ History Repeats itself first as tragedy, second as farce” - Karl Marx

It’s been painful and devastating to realize how many people on this country hate women. Hate people of color. Hate the other. The homogenization of our society has spelled its final knell. I spent today vacillating between despair and rage.

The echoes are painful aren’t they? the signs were always there. Plastic Surgery and Ozempic are just this centuries version of extreme corsetry and white face paint made of arsenic. More people began to be able to read in the 18th century, leading newspapers to spread more of the discontent. I don’t think I need to tell you about rampant misinformation on social media. I find myself reading up on the history of the Reign of Terror - just so I can mentally prepare myself for what it might shape up to be. Same words, different font. Welcome to Age of Aquarius.

I worry what this means for my friends. I worry what this means for myself. I worry what this will mean to those most vulnerable.

They way I know they’ll come for the journalists and the activists and Hollywood and New York first. It’s giving Weimar republic. It’s interesting  that cabaret has had so many revivals recently, hasn’t it? Same words different font. The way culture and media will take so many steps back from the advancements we’ve made. I’m a reader and consumer of culture and the zeitgeist first and foremost and I don’t like what it spells here.

One of the Project 2025 mandates is essentially to ban romance books (which its architects deem as pornography) and my book is about a princess whose country falls to a fascist coup, and maybe has some romance along the way. Not sure what this means for its future now.

It’s a massive blow. I felt like I just crawled myself out of a lot of deep conditioning and brainwashing under the patriarchy. And now someone is trying to put me back in a box again. I had a fairly humorous post drafted about how I still feel absurdly not old enough for my age, and yet… I don’t know if I’ve ever been happier or more devastated to be in the demographic of “childless cat ladies” than ever.

Selfishly I’m glad my mother isn’t here to see this. I used to get annoyed with her when she would say how rough the (1st ) trump presidency was on her. I was like mom, you’re not of reproductive age and have money and are white. It’s stressful for everyone else too. But this seems to have exacerbated the grief in the worst way. The way it’s part devastation and knowing this would have actually killed her more than the cancer could have, but relief she’s not here to feel it like that.

I’m also honestly terrified to keep writing. Not wanting to censor myself in service of my self expression, but also terrified that every word i’ve written here, on this substack will be evidence against me. The idea that my true self needs defending. The post I had for later this week, which was a reworking of an article that was initially spawned by the onset of the Me Too movement  in 2017, has to be reworked to add in this devastating backstep. But It’ll be coming on friday.

Remember how angry I was when Jeff Bezos’ Washington Post refused to endorse a candidate? I saw an article on Variety that He congratulated trump on X for his “Extraordinary political comeback”  Makes me wonder if they knew something we didn’t.

Democracy dies in Darkness? Fuck you Jeff Bezos. It dies in unseasonably warm weather, with a misogynistic, condescending backhand. It has echoes of, “smile more”.  Maybe I’ll finally finish that article about how wrong Silicon Valley has taken us. Rape allegations clearly don’t ruin men’s lives. I never want to hear that fucking bullshit again. Liberty dies to thunderous applause.

I initially ended this on the words above. But all I can think about is how so many who came before fought to get us where we are. And we will not go back.

I do not want and will not censor myself for fear of what is to come.

The book bans are coming. The atomic culture wars are coming. Just because you’re not a communist, a socialist, a trade unionist, or a Jew doesn’t mean they won’t come for you. Did you know that famous poem was from a noted antisemite in 1930s Germany who was surprised the regime eventually came for him? I may be a Gemini who can imagine the heights and depths humanity can plumb, but also me I can’t help but leave on this note:

in the words of the #booktok queen, Sarah J Maas - YOU. DO. NOT. YIELD.