Elle Woods is the Feminist Hero we all deserve

What, Like It's Hard?

An icon since 2001.

I’ve had this story running around in my head since last spring when the announced that a Legally Blonde TV Shows in the works. The movie holds a special place in my heart, because it was one the first PG-13 movies I was allowed to watch(along with Miss Congeniality and Charlie’s Angels.) In hindsight, the fact that these three films are the fist “adult movies” I was allowed to watch gives A LOT of insight into my personality doesn’t it. But it also forms the basis of yet another thesis of the universe I’ve been developing.

When people (read: patriarchy) complain about how they “don’t understand where women got these ideas” and when the complain about “the young people just not understanding this is the way things are anymore”. I WANT TO SHOUT AT YOU AND SHAKE YOU LIKE YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO SHAKE A BABY. What do you mean that young women who grew up seeing a stereotypically blonde girl decide to go to LAW SCHOOL in order to get back her boyfriend, but realize she’s actually not only better off without him, but a better lawyer too? What do you mean that three brilliant little girls became three brilliant women who fight crime and always look out for each other? What do you mean that one of the best agents in the FBI realizes that her career can only take off when she leans into her feminine side and makes great friends along the way? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT THE KIDS WHO GREW UP WATCHING THINGS LIKE HARRY POTTER AND THE HUNGER GAMES IN WHICH LITERAL TEENAGERS TAKE DOWN CORRUPT AND AUTOCRATIC GOVERMENTS?!?!? To those people I say, you clearly weren’t paying attention to the media you were feeding us as our brains grew. If you haven’t stopped to think about this, stop and think about it. I’ll wait. Of course they want to defund the department of education - becuase teaching people to think critically also includes thinking critically about what you see right in front of you. Media is influential in putting ideas in people’s heads. Of course we going to have ideas that women are more than baby making machines, and that teenagers are capable of understanding right from wrong in politics, when it’s reflected in the books and tv and film we consume.

Which brings up back to Ms. Woods, Your Honor. This movie is so fucking fantastic and has aged so well (unlike countless other movies made in the early 2000s). This is also a hill I will die on. I WILL FIGHT YOU AND DEFEND THIS HILL WITH MY LAST BREATH. But I almost don’t even know where to start. I took almost 2,000 words worth of notes while doing a rewatch movie to help coalesce the thesis for this Maybe I will put these in the comments as a little extra treat for anyone who cares). But there are three salient points here about why Elle is the feminist hero we all deserve. First, how she proves that you can both like fashion and have a brain. Second, how she learns to eventually stand up for her dignity when men mistreat her. And Third, How she learns to rely on her community and not fall into the relentless drive of competition demanded by patriarchy.

I have to start with the finale of the movie. GOD THE COURTROOM SCENE. THE COURTROOM SCENE. I am not kidding that I think I can recite this `scene in its entirety. Here’s the full clip for your viewing pleasure. Know that I will be here, quoting it verbatim alongside as you watch.

A detail from this scene that i feel really goes under the radar is that we have a female DA, a black female judge and eventually a female defense attorney. It feels particularly brutal to write this when the news cycle is includes the confirmation hearings of pete hegseth, a man so rephrensible with his treatment of women that his own mother wrote an email that later became public decrying his attitude and behavior. (Unrelated note: I’m FURIOUS about this article written by chief fashion critic at the New York Times Vanessa Friedman about his ‘style’ as he sits in the hearings. Literally vomit. But not enough to warrant an entire substack unfortunately, since the post would just about the vomit emoji and a knife emoji, probably).

But, I digress. It’s our last couple of days before we are officially in the days of the trump administration and I’m really trying to provide a lighthearted alternative before shit gets real.

But speaking of the men in this movie. First off, Warner is such an obvious skeeze lol his first intro is so ridiculous. And his comment when Elle walks in wearing a playboy bunny costume : “DON’T YOU LOOK LIKE A WALKING FELONY” WHAT IS THIS MAN - THROW HIM IN FRONT OF A BULL WITH THE OTHER RED FLAGS. Jesus. I think I have seen this movie more than a hundred times and I’ve never fully processed the dismissive misogyny in it. The scene I just mentioned, is where Elle really does get to shine because she steps into her own Not because that song Watch me Shine starts playing. But she says to him before she storms away, “I’m never going to be good enough for you, am I?” after pointing out that they took the same entrance exams, and are in the same classes. His non answer is his truth. No, he will continually think he’s better than her. So she gets her laptop and studies harder. And then she ends up doing better in classes. Once she decides that she doesn’t even like him anymore, she puts herself first, and ends up finding her passion and her drive. It’s a beautiful thing to see - both in the movie and when it happens in real life. Unfortunately Warner is so familiar too - that oozing of mediocrity with eau de white male privilege, is something I’m familiar with, with people I’ve grown up with to people I’ve worked with, to people in my own family. But in the end, when warner finally “sees her worth” or whatever she stands on business, and values herself more (“If I’m going to be a partner in a law form by the time I’m 30, I need a boyfriend who’s not such complete bonehead.” )I would have used meaner words, personally, but I think this simple fact alone is actually subversive too.

It’s professor Callahan too, who is so eerily familiar. He seems like he’s good - he sees her potential once she starts to shine. TBH, the scene where they are arguing in class over the sperm donor stalking case, and he tells her “I believe you’ve just won your case,” its such a moment. And I’m sorry I love her line before that so much, “for that matter all masturbatory emissions where sperm was not seeking an egg could be termed reckless abandonment” IT IS SO FUCKING FUNNY. In the literal next scene, Callahan asks Elle if she’s applying for the internship and he encourages her. It’s not really relevant, but remember she’s told Warner in the bunny costume scene she’s thinking about it, but she doesn’t say anything to the professor. Tell me any woman who has worked in corporate America who HASN’T had impostor syndrome like this scene with Elle shows. When she finally figures out one of the witness is lying, leading to one of the best lines, “DON’T E-STOMP YOUR LITTLE LAST SEASON PRADA SHOES AT ME, HONEY!“Callahan ignores her thinking it’s a flight of fancy. But it’s a tactic that discredits someone testifying against their client.

Again, as they work through the trial prep, she’s consistently more driven, accepting work, you think she’s fast tracking her career. But then he hits on her, late at night in his office. And it shatters her self perception, because she thought she earned it, but in her words, “he just saw her as a piece of ass.” The scene where she’s saying goodbye to Jennifer Coolidge and her ‘mean’ professor played by Holland Taylor says the following line that is going to be my new mantra, “If you’re going to let one, stupid little prick ruin your life, you’re not the girl I thought you were.” And *cue* courtroom scene.

She’s proven that by not letting mediocre white men act like they are better than you, we can all do it, despite the uphill battle. I can only hope the payoff is just as sweet as the courtroom reveal. Also people are like oh she’s dumb because she doesn’t know how to do this, but I actually see the beginning of this scene as pure gemini thinking out loud. A lot of time things don’t make sense in our heads, and only in trying to package them for others by verbally or writing does it resemble language. I’ve also realized her talents are so on character. If you know me personally, or have read anything of this Substack before YOU KNOW I LOVE TANGENTS THAT PROVE MY POINT NO MATTER HOW LONG WINDED THEY ARE.

In hindsight, however, I think it’s actually because she’s fundamentally kind that makes Elle so lovely. But she’s not soft. It’s antithetical to the approach that the men who use her (and misogyny at large) look down on. There’s multiple instances of this. When Elle first learns about Vivian and Warner’s Engagement (The sorry I just hallucinated is peak gemini energy btw) as upset as she is, she doesn’t actually trash her. Her complaints are she could seriously use some highlights, but she’s not unfortunate looking. No, it’s not nice, but it’s not mean spirited, whereas Vivian in the first half of the movie is such a fucking mean girl (halloween party, anyone?) that it’s almost boring. But it ends up being her super power. She’s nice to that nerdy guy David, and so he ends up helping her when she needs it. I love the scene where she’s walking back from the internship, and he’s trying to ask that girl who, who Is being cruel (hot girls like me don’t go out with losers like you) and Elle turns around and slaps him and pretends that they had a fling, so she could help him get a date. She could have just kept walking. But she chose to help. She goes to help Paulette get her dog bag, not because it’s any benefit to her, but because she wants her friend to be happy.

By contrast, when Vivian finally starts to wake up to how shitty warner is and approaches Elle first, she really unburdens herself quickly. I chalk this up to gemini energy too, because i’ve had people spit their entire life story to me within seconds of meeting me. Vivian telling Elle she thinks it’s classy to not share the alibi is her albeit clumsy way of complimenting her (stereotype: WASPs are terrible with feelings) also there is nothing like trauma bonding about an ex. but the most important part of this interaction is Vivian sharing that warner was waitlisted (in contrast to Elle who was presumably admitted immediately) and his daddy had to step in for him - it’s a surface level moment but look a little deeper and it implies the bias, that she is actually a better candidate than him and HE KNOWS IT. Think back on their first interaction in the hallway at Harvard. HE KNOWS. So all of this. And the whole time she is just serving looks. Her Harvard outfits are amazing, her intern outfits are amazing, and her signature color outfit for the courtroom is amazing. Personal shot out to Brooke’s early 2000’s Dior as she’s on trial for literal murder. I realized too Elle is always kind to everyone, even service people, like the cops at the courtroom, the nail salon employees, even that sneaky sales girl in the beginning. She schools her, but she’s never rude. This is always a green flag in people.

And Finally, her words in her graduation speech, where she is presumably top of her class is, “you must always have faith in yourself ” probably affected me more than I could consciously admit at the time, but is pretty much the thesis of this piece. She had the whole world, and everyone’s opinions stacked against her, but she still went after what she wanted. To me, that is why she truly is the feminist hero we all deserve, because how many girls watched that movie and grew up subconsciously emulating her behavior, even if they aren’t blonde, gemini vegetarian lawyers who wear pink. Because isn’t it the first rule of perm maintenance that you’re forbidden for wetting your hair for at least 24 hours at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thyglocalyte? I believe you’ve just won your case.

XOXO,

Casey